Saturday, December 7, 2019

Sorry For The Delay

So I know it has been a long time since I posted and I intended for this blog to be regular and still do I'm just going through a lot at the moment.  Case in point - today we will be getting the notice that they are selling my moms house due to foreclosure.  My mom has been running around trying to pack the house up and I've been trying to avoid the situation like the plague;  but now shit is getting real.  I have barriers set up against me to work - there is a warrant for my arrest in Austin, TX and there is a 10 year gap in my resume.  I was on disability for 5 years (SSDI) - then the powers that be said nope your no longer disabled so HAHAHA we take it away (Feb 2017) and I've been denied twice for disability since Nov 2018. 

I guess my plan of action is, if all goes to shit, I will go to Austin to turn myself in so that I can get that taken care of - I feel like it is all I can do because I can't work to earn the money to pay the ticket.

I was so excited to get on here to go through my spiritual journey with the 1 or 2 people that actually read this - and I intend to share this with y'all still.  There is just so much going on I don't know what to post and from what I have read you have to get a subject and stick to it with a blog - well I'm One Fucked Up Individual so I can't just get a subject and stick to it so it is what it is.

As far as my spiritual journey, I have said for years about the entertainment industry being a means to distract the human race by entertaining us and wow lookie there I was right - it's funny when you find out you are not totally crazy.  They have been trying to make people like me look like nuts for a long time - but now the nuts are speaking up and it feels amazing - but it can be bothersome too.  Like everything to me now is a conspiracy I feel like Mel Gibson in that movie Conspiracy Theory.  I worry that they are going to start looking at my posts and watching me following me in those black cars with black tinted windows like in Texas LOL - no that's not funny there are actual people in Austin that just fuck with you to drive you crazy!  Yeah I know sounds crazy but it is true!

So starting in January I was going to do the SELF 2020 challenge - however now that we are probably going to have to be out of this house in January my SELF 2020 challenge will be Challenging mySELF to take mySELF jail 2020. UGH FML but still trying to stay positive because negativity just breeds negative energy which will just make the situation worse.  Prayers positive energy and love are appreciate and always sent out to those who read and those who don't if we could embrace more love and positive energy (and THC) the world would be amazing!!

Love and Positivity to You!!! 

Friday, October 18, 2019

Prayers and love to those who loved Joseph Pinrod

So I got an email from this blog on psych central
And the first thing they suggest for positive change is a vision board that you create from like clipping items so I'm going to work on this tonight and I'll post it when it's done.  On a sad note tonight I learned that an accuaintance of mine I knew on the streets of Austin, TX died of a heroin overdose.  My Heart and prayers to those who loved him and knew him.

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

It's 2:07 pm I got to get the kids soon but...

I had to say this before I go to get my boys... I go through Facebook and I go through Twitter and I see people's posts and it literally hurts my ❤.  Everyone has a right to their opinion but when an opinion is plain old hate (and maybe I've been guilty of it too) I just don't know.  I don't know why people can't just wake up and realize we are all just human why do we have to kill over oil and wealth why can't we just exist to be happy? Love each other and just exist instead of existing to be a part of something that most of us will never truly be a part of? I don't want to be a part of the world we live in!  I have to raise two independent men to be a part of that world because i don't know how to detach from it in a healthy appropriate way!  In the end it all comes to 💰 this spiritual awakening that is happening is also being commercialized and monetized by people like Oprah and Deepak Chopra which makes me sick why should one have to pay $2000 or more to get spiritualy connected with "God" and each other it saddens and sickens me.  If i want to detach from society I need money to do it- to buy an island or a ridiculous plot of land to buy plants and trees to live off of it's crazy to me!! Well I guess that's all for 2:07 pm on Tuesday possibly another post later or next week I'll try to be more consistent this time to retain my audience!!

"America Will Never Be A Socialist Country"

Wow isn't it funny/scary that in the same 24 hour period that I announce on my new blog I'm a socialist president Trump announces that "America will never be a socialist country" how freaking weird there are WAY 2 many coincidences in my life!!

Monday, September 23, 2019

Quick Rundown of Me [but not nearly all of it]

Ok u ready?!? Lol!? I've dabbled on n off with drugs and alcohol my whole life crack was introduced to me at 17 I'm 41 I live in Baltimore when I was 29 right b4 my 30th bday I moved to NC had a nice apartment a good job an awesome car and friends - the most I did was happy hour and weed i met my kids dad and that next year I was pregnant and then again the following year kids were born 12/08 and 12/09 the relationship with their father in between was toxic n still is basically bc he's a piece of crap - so after I had my kids I would go out on a Friday or Saturday and drink after I had my second son I worked for the census here in MD but got work comp from it had moved in with this guy and we drank he smoked weed and I kept refusing bc I was a mom now but eventually ppl convinced me everyone does it so i did and if I had just smoked weed no alcohol no pills I would've been ok but that wasn't the case so he and I broke up and this guy in my neighborhood asked me if I wanted to smoke some crack so from 2010-2016 I had a roaring crack habit in and out of rehab always had my kids when I wasn't in rehab couldn't work bc I had no one to watch my kids and by the time I would've paid for daycare it would've taken my whole check so I went on disability around 2012 and in 2017 they cut it off im in the process of trying to get it back I can't work bc I have a warrant in Austin and now have a drug conviction - in July 2016 my kids n I moved to Kingsland TX which is an hour from Austin I had quit methadone cold turkey bc there weren't any clinics in that small town n No one to drive me an hour to get it I started drinking and smoking weed along with a lil kratom then in Oct 1st 2016 I tried meth by smoking and by Oct 31st I was in ICU my dad had taken my kids from me and in Nov I went to austin to meet a guy and got stranded in July 2017 my mom had the cops pick my kids up from my dad and flew them back to MD I stated homeless till Oct 2018 and ended up coming back to Baltimore with my mom and kids and like 4 nights ago my mom's car was repossessed bc she had to retire to take care of my kids and now she supports all 3 of us bc I cant work n don't have my disability so she's also about to lose her house. 

Monday, August 26, 2019

Yep I'm back

Hi everyone! I was going to continue my old blog but thought I'd start fresh here!  

I've decided to take a different take on blogging.  Im going to start blogging what I'm passionate about which is our world and how it is viewed by me and the masses and different issues plaguing us as human beings.

Let me first provide you with my vision of an ideal world or society... And with that being said I've realized that I "must be" a socialist with my beliefs at least according to Google however I don't like labels because that implies conformity and I've also realized that I'm a total non-conformist that has been trying to conform my whole life.  I don't fit into a category.  Put it this way I was a homeless drug addict for 2 years and I didn't fit in with the homeless and I didn't fit in with the normis (my definition of normis is those who go to work, have a home and a "responsible upstanding citizens" according to the social norm).  

So back to my vision of an ideal world/society... This would be a place where food and housing are free - an individual would be required to work for better housing, clothing, cars, jewelry and all the fancy things one could want but basic human needs like food and shelter would be free.  That's it not too big of a dream but a dream nonetheless.  

So... I'm throwing my feelers out there to see if there's any interest in this blog at all.  What I'll be discussing is homelessness, hunger, spirituality, addiction, being a parent and other things so like share repeat whatever let me know you are interested and we can go from there.  Also, if there's something specific you want me to put on this blog let me know!!

Writer's Block

 So I started writing my book and basically got 1 page of the first book done and I need to turn the manuscript in by the 27th ugh... I don&...